My Life as a Ghost Hunter

by Robin Banks

 I believe that there really is a monster in Loch Ness, and a Big Foot in the forests of Maine. I believe in naughty fairies that hide your keys, and helpful elves who do your work for you in the night. In believing in “Faery,” I tend to focus my beliefs on the kindly, though perilous, supernatural beings. I am offended at the portrayal of Big Foot as a ravening homicidal maniac. Who did he ever kill? And of course no one can find Nessie in all that water: she doesn’t WANT to be found.  Gentle creatures, or mischievous, or powerful, they all pay us little heed.

My belief combines theology with mythology. Good stuff.

So, one night when I was at a party with a group of friends, and the idea came up of going over to the cemetery to play hide and seek, I was in full agreement. Some people may be afraid of the dark, but not me! 

So, there I was, hunkered down behind a grave marker, trying to make no noise so I wouldn’t be caught, when I started to reflect on my situation. Here I was, in a cemetery, no one in sight. It was easy to remember all the ghost stories I had ever heard and read about the perilous places of the dead. My philosophies of ghosts being non-threatening was somewhat weakened by my setting: perhaps the person buried right under my feet didn’t much like people walking on him in jest. Perhaps it was the resting place of a very evil person, who didn’t go to his rest, but was wandering the world getting revenge for his condemnation. 

            It was then that I started hearing the noises. They were easy to explain: squirrels. “Squirrels go to their nests after dark,” said my logical brain.  “Okay, then birds. It’s true that most birds are diurnal also, but there ARE night birds. Owls, for example.” But the sound wasn’t a “whoo,” but a loud rustling in the bushes right behind me. A solid rustling like something made by a large animal.  I turned around to see what it was. It was too dark to see much, but there was a partial moon which allowed me to see something darker than the bushes. And big. It wasn’t moving. I tried to talk down my increasing nervousness. It’s nothing but the hedges. 

            I noticed that I was crouching even lower behind the gravestone. I was also on my toes, crouched ready to run. “I am so stupid! There is nothing there! Even if there were something there, what could it be that would justify my crazy panic? Just a person. Or an animal.” Whatever it was, as I watched it, it made a quick movement…towards me? At that point, all logic deserted me. I would have run if I could have moved. Instead, I huddled in the fetal position and covered my head with my arms! I could hear it! It was coming closer to me! My heart was beating so fast I was surprised that I didn’t explode. And then the noise paused… and something touched my head. 

            I don’t know what happened next. I must have just blanked out, because the next thing I observed was loud talking, and people shouting to me to come out: we had been caught by the police, and they wanted us out of there. I peeked up from my huddle, and could see lights coming. At that point, I leapt to my feet and ran to the group of noisy friends. It was a good thing that it was dark enough that they couldn’t see my face! After I had bragged about my philosophy of the harmlessness of those around us from “another world,” I certainly would have deserved teasing. It took me several hours to recover my sangfroid, and even then, I couldn’t join much in the hi-jinks of the party. 

            When I got home, in brushing my hair before bed I found a thorny twig in my hair. I knew I hadn’t been near a thorny bush. I nodded to myself, grimly. As I had always thought: some of those pesky “little people” had had a good time teasing me tonight! They must have been really amused! I felt relieved, and a bit ashamed. I had always known that the supernatural couldn’t hurt me!  Only if I let it scare me to death! What I needed was to spend more time alone in scary places in the dark! Next time my friends wanted to play night games, it would be good practice for me. 

            I knew that I would never play night games again. In fact, I would avoid even going outside at night at all. 

And I would get a night light.